well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
