I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
third nipple confirmed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
