I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize