You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
