do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
