Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
