I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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