If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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