that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
