my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
