My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
