take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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