I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
