I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
