So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
