Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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