Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
