he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
