the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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