you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
