oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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