At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
