They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize