Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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