let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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