I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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