Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
