It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
