I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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