just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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