walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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