My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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