we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
