She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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