Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
