She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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