So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
