he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
