had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
