he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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