omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize