Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
