I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
