When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
