I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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