so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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