This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
