He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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