when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is Oprah even human
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
