The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
