4 words: hood of his car
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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