That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
