Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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