Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
