I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
