i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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