I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
