Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
