My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize