you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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