We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
