I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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