we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
