everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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