Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize