Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
