If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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