I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
