the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
