"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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