Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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